=/

It's 6:20 am and I am awake. There's a bad storm going on outside which normally lulls me to sleep and keeps me in bed long after I should be awake, but tonight..it's led to a bad dream.

In my dream, the two younger boys were in bed, resting in sleep and from the storm (which made it's way into my dream) at like 2:30 am, my second oldest (Jake) came in from the rain. The disturbing part is that...I didn't realize he was not home, in my dream, earlier.

I immediately went to him and kept saying "where have you been!?" and he clammed up like usual and gave me a typical Jake answer, "I don't know". I kept cornering him and telling him to tell me and he'd give me an excuse like "I left my MP3 player at my friend's house" but I was getting more upset saying, "that's a reason to stay out until 2 in the morning!?" but he just kept looking away as if he was angry I was even asking.

It was very much in character for Jake and finally I said, "Try again. Where have you been and don't lie to me."

He seemed to break down and he reached out for me and started crying. Even in my dream I was taken back by this because Jake has been very withdrawn for a long time. He doesn't reach out for anyone. And he hugged me. A real hug, not just a "pat on the back" hug like he usually gives everyone. You know the kind? The meek sorta hug?

So in my dream I said, "Baby what's wrong?" and he just said "it's really bad" and curled into my arms. In my dream I was actually carrying him like a baby and shh'ing him and comforting him.

I was whispering, "tell me what's wrong, baby. it's okay. did someone hurt you? I swear to god I'll kill them if they did. I promise you I will." and he wouldn't tell me.

So..then I woke up and I lie there for a bit. Of course, at the thought of one of my children being in pain in such a way, I started to panic and get that eerie feeling. The one where you wonder if everyone is okay? But all I could do, really, is check on everyone here. The other two are in Chicago. :(

It's horrible..because I checked everyone and went to lie back down and kept seeing the image in my mind, I guess..you know, trying to analyze it? And the more I did, the more upset I was getting because he was reaching out for me and I couldn't help him. I couldn't quite calm down..so I decided to make myself some green tea and blog it.

I'll call him in a few hours and make sure that everything is okay =/

is it bedtime yet?

I woke up this morning with yet another sinus headache but it went away later on after taking half of a Tylenol PM. I'm not sure why that works more than the Tylenol Sinus (or other sinus medicine) but it does and that's all that matters. Right? =/

Doing really well with my meal plans and today I did my Pilates class (1 hour) and a 1/2 on the stairmonster. I can't believe how BORING it is now that I've been doing the cycling but part of the reason is probably because I didn't have a good magazine to read :( I'm going to try to bring my book next time and see if it makes me nauseous to try and read it..or if I can even concentrate on it.

Other than that..not a whole lot more going on. I'm going to make my popcorn and head to bed. I'm ready for this day to end -- more later!

on the down low

I've signed up to learn more about ....Pole Dancing! Haha! I sent a request for information on learning how to teach it. I'll keep you posted on it. I think it would be a lot of fun :)

Anyway..I didn't workout yesterday outside of my 24 Lift class. I just felt I needed a break and then I wake up today with another (ugh yes..another) sinsus headache. This rain needs to stop! :(

I know I'll feel better if I go workout but I think I'm going to wait to do it til after my pilates class (6:30 - 7:30pm) because the gym is much more quiet at that time.

I may decide to go in early and do it too just because if I go at night, I know I'll have the kids with me. If I go early, I can always do a quick shower to freshen up before my class.

That's pretty much it for now. If I have more to post later, I will.

short and sweet

Yesterday was rather tedius. But a productive day none the less. I will keep today's post short and sweet because I'm fighting off a little headache but I got to take another cycling class last night and it rocked. I loved the challenge even though I wanted (several times) to leave early cuz I was tired. I finished it. That was the best part. Woohoo!

seeing results

I'm starting to see results more clearly and it's encouraging. My new obsession is cycling. Ehh..as much as it hurts the "delicate" parts the next day I guess until I get used to it, that is. It's hard but when I can make it through that whole class I feel like a winner.

Yeah ..a winner in that cheesy Chariots of Fire, way.

Anyway..today was Pilates (1 hour) and my 2nd cycling class. It wasn't as good as the first but it was still challenging. It was a different teacher/club, too.

I wasn't nuts about the music..and it's funny to be on the opposite side of the mic. Music really does make an impact on your crowd.

I don't have much to report today so I'll end this post with my good deed of the day.

I was driving home from work and sitting at a red light when I see this lil green Gecko fall out of nowhere on my side mirror. He's just sitting there looking at me and I'm thinking..if I take off and drive, he's going to fly off and die :(

Soooo...I pulled over into a little drive way..and chased the gecko over the hood back and forth a few times before I finally caught him and set him on a tree. :) Yay ME!

The End.

coming to a head..

So things have been really great. I'm happy and in a content place in my life. I work out twice daily, my house is clean and organized, my friends are awesome and I have some saintly wings carrying me, too.

All in all ...I have nothing much to complain about. There are some minor things. But I feel as though these minor things ..are the things that we consider dead weight. Things that, in order to fly, must be let go. Emotional baggage per se.

I'm okay with it. Oddly enough. I've decided, that I'm a big girl and I can let go of things to grow and metamorphasis into something better.

On another note: I've also decided to keep a food journal and workout journal. I need to break it down cuz I'm not sure if I'm doing everything I can to reach my goal. It's become my lifestyle more so than it was before. And I dont' say that obsessively. I mean that before it wasn't such a big deal. I would workout once every other day and not worry about what I ate. It's important to me now because I am trying to keep my health in check.

It also makes me feel better and feel like I have more control over things.

I'll post more later. Cameron is asking for me =)

Lzr!

Everyone...well okay, most everyone, knows that I work for 24 hour fitness. I started out as a personal trainer and due to the schedule, I made a decision to move to their Group X [aerobic instructor] department. Despite some issues that I won't discuss here [mostly because they're minor, and secondly because I find it in poor taste to make your place of employment look bad in -any- way] I absolutely love my job and the company.

I was watching The Biggest Loser today. Can I just say, that the people on there are amazing? The dedication and will power it takes to do what they do, in such a small amount of time, makes me realize and reminds me again, this..is why I do what I do.

I found myself literally in tears watching them not only reach their goals..but surpass them. I can't imagine not having a job as fulfilling as mine. The fact that my company sponsors a TV show that focuses on the positive and provides help as well as rewards for what they achieve..I have to say, I'm proud.

One of the songs used in the shows has the following lyrics; "What have you done to be proud today?"

And it made me think. If everyone thought about that, every single day. They might be more motivated to do something other than sit there and wait for themselves to rot away.

I know that sounds harsh but that's pretty much where this epidemic came from. And it is an epidemic, folks. Humans are becoming cattle. The Age of Technology has taken us from active, productive human beings, to robots. We sit at work. We rush to our car, to sit in traffic. We rush home to make dinner then sit down and maybe work some more or sit behind a computer or sit and watch tv.

Think about the things you did as a child. Many of you were athletic. Many were active, period. Inactivity is a disease. It can be cured. It just takes a desire. On that note. I'm going to walk the dog =)