=/

It's 6:20 am and I am awake. There's a bad storm going on outside which normally lulls me to sleep and keeps me in bed long after I should be awake, but tonight..it's led to a bad dream.

In my dream, the two younger boys were in bed, resting in sleep and from the storm (which made it's way into my dream) at like 2:30 am, my second oldest (Jake) came in from the rain. The disturbing part is that...I didn't realize he was not home, in my dream, earlier.

I immediately went to him and kept saying "where have you been!?" and he clammed up like usual and gave me a typical Jake answer, "I don't know". I kept cornering him and telling him to tell me and he'd give me an excuse like "I left my MP3 player at my friend's house" but I was getting more upset saying, "that's a reason to stay out until 2 in the morning!?" but he just kept looking away as if he was angry I was even asking.

It was very much in character for Jake and finally I said, "Try again. Where have you been and don't lie to me."

He seemed to break down and he reached out for me and started crying. Even in my dream I was taken back by this because Jake has been very withdrawn for a long time. He doesn't reach out for anyone. And he hugged me. A real hug, not just a "pat on the back" hug like he usually gives everyone. You know the kind? The meek sorta hug?

So in my dream I said, "Baby what's wrong?" and he just said "it's really bad" and curled into my arms. In my dream I was actually carrying him like a baby and shh'ing him and comforting him.

I was whispering, "tell me what's wrong, baby. it's okay. did someone hurt you? I swear to god I'll kill them if they did. I promise you I will." and he wouldn't tell me.

So..then I woke up and I lie there for a bit. Of course, at the thought of one of my children being in pain in such a way, I started to panic and get that eerie feeling. The one where you wonder if everyone is okay? But all I could do, really, is check on everyone here. The other two are in Chicago. :(

It's horrible..because I checked everyone and went to lie back down and kept seeing the image in my mind, I guess..you know, trying to analyze it? And the more I did, the more upset I was getting because he was reaching out for me and I couldn't help him. I couldn't quite calm down..so I decided to make myself some green tea and blog it.

I'll call him in a few hours and make sure that everything is okay =/